Welcome to a new year at God U! Check out all the super security upgrades around campus! Hear what our new fearless leader, Dean Cipher, during a special welcome assembly! Reunite with old friends in our brand new Victoria Neuman Student Union, and make new friends through our revitalized, robust Greek life! This year will be way better than last year, and we can't wait!

Think you're a history buff? Think again! Even a know-it-all will learn a thing or two in the God U Archives. To book a six hour educational adventure led by the world's best archivist contact Kyle@remembererforever.com

*This is a campus wide reminder.* All student flyers must be approved by God U administrators before they are posted to community bulletin boards. Please submit all text and graphics to the Office of Student Life ATTN: Stacey, at least 24 hours before posting your flyer. Campus security is actively monitoring all public areas for unapproved signage and inappropriate content.

VIP fight ticket confirmed. Warning: You accept all risks, may be filmed and exposed to bodily fluids. Hotel rules: No outside drinks. Gender-specific restrooms only. Enjoy VIP access.

Facility Code 5827 - Use of powers strictly prohibited. Facility Code 3567 - Hands must be visible at all times. Facility Code 843 - Any personal item deemed an enhancement to your power set will be confiscated. Facility Code 2536 - Restraint technologies active in all areas. Facility Code 9832 - All detainees subject to body cavity search at any time.

Worried about the coming culture war and apocalypse? Ride it out in style and comfort! Sustainable septic systems and Feng Shui! Blast proof and billionaire approved! The world may be burning, but you’ll be 35 feet underground with a glass of ’82 Bordeaux! Act now before it’s too late.